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November 10, 2020

Black Friday 2020 Survival Guide.

Luuk
Luuk Vreeburg

Black Friday 2020 is going to be the craziest Black Friday ever. Stores will be closed because we won’t be able to keep 1,5 meters distance. Everything will take place online. We have all day to go online and hunt for the best deals without a manager spying on us. And most importantly, we have a lot of cash in the bank because we didn’t go on vacation. Let’s get those deals!

Black friday warzone

Wait a minute, is this really something we need to be doing?

Why Black Friday is bad for the planet and for your mental health.

Every year, I see these videos of people rushing into shops, fighting for the best deals. Black Friday warriors in full battle mode. You can hear them thinking. “Let’s get a new TV for 90% off, let’s buy this dress for 70% off, let’s buy a useless machine that makes weight loss easy, let’s buy this, let’s buy that.

  1. Mass consumerism is bad for our planet

We all bear responsibility for our planet. Still, we are running yearly Black Friday deals to satisfy our body with short dopamine kicks. Buying goods we don’t really need, only to make ourselves feel better. And the only ones that really profit are big corporations. They fuel the madness with persuasive messaging and mass selling products that are bad for the environment.

But hey, a good deal is a good deal, right?

2. You are wasting money on stuff you are not going to use

Ever calculated how much money you spend on useless stuff? That fancy blender to make healthy smoothies you only used for the first two weeks. Right up until you found out it’s too much work to clean the thing and stopped using it? How do you feel when you stare at it? Was it a waste of money? Oh, definitely not. It was a good deal!

We tend to buy impulsively. And during Black Friday, we can finally buy a lot of stuff we think we want. It makes us happy at first. But in the long run, it doesn’t. That’s why we keep on buying useless things to stay happy. These are short peaks of dopamine to make us excited. Just like drugs. Yes, you’re addicted.

It’s not the end of the world (yet). This year I will help you to kick the habit.

How to resist spending all your money during Black Friday 2020.

Resisting not spending a ton of cash on Black Friday is going to be hard. Working from home will make the temptation even higher. That is why I came up with some rigorous measures. To keep the money in your pocket and fight global warming.

1. Tape your arms to your chair

Like the old saying goes: “The one that tapes their arms to their office chair won’t be able to shop online”. Of course I made that one up. And I know that voice technology is more sophisticated than ever. So it’s not necessarily 100% waterproof. But hey, you have to start somewhere.

To tape your arms to your chair you need:

A. Duct tape

B. A chair (preferably an office chairs with armrests)

C. A roommate/friend/stranger/family member (optional, depending on skill)

Black friday tape and chair

Go sit in the chair and pick up the duct tape. Tape your right arm to the right armrest and your left arm to your left armrest. If you’re not able to perform these tasks – I mean, with one arm stuck to the armrest it is going to be hard to tape the other one – involve product C.

Now you won’t be able to open your laptop and to shop the best deals.

*Make sure to complete step 2 and 3 before step 1.

2. Drop your Alexa/Google home inside your aquarium

Your brain is now thinking “GOTCHA!! I can still use my Google Home!”. That is why this step is extremely important to complete. In order not to go crazy and ordering stuff by just mentioning the products, it’s time to go for the aquarium tactic.

To complete this step you need:

A. That Google Home you bought during last year’s Black Friday shopping spree

B. An aquarium

The aquarium tactic:

Take the Google Home and drop it in the aquarium. Make sure the aquarium is filled with water. When you do not have an aquarium, you can also fill up the bathtub or use a bucket.

Aquarium gift

The voice assistant won’t hear you when underwater. So ordering online won’t be possible using your Google Home. There is only one risk involved: your fish may start ordering new aquarium ornaments. You win some, you lose some.

3. Cement your phone behind a brick in your wall

Your phone is the final device we need to get rid of. Amazon makes it easy to order products with one click. We will not let that happen. In order to not be able to touch your touchscreen, we are going to mason your phone behind a brick in the wall.

You need:

A. Your phone

B. Cement

C. A wall

We all have that one brick in our wall that is coming out. (And if you don’t, find one in the streets) Take the brick out, put your place your phone in the back of the hole, place the brick back and fill it up with cement. Wait a couple of hours until the cement is dry and you are ready to go.

Brick falls out of the wall

πŸŽ‰ Congratulations! You have now saved a lot of money and planet earth (a little bit).

*These steps also work for Cyber Monday.

My advice is:

Only buy products that you really need. Stuff that really brings value. If you like to work out and need some new gym clothes, go buy them. There is nothing wrong with that. But don’t order all the extra side products just because they are heavily discounted. Even though it’s cheap, it is still a waste of money. Buying trash is not going to make you happier.

Stay strong! We’re in this together.

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